Does building a house cause divorce? Not in itself.
So why are breakups and divorce so common during renovations and construction?
How does construction affect your Relationships?
I always think of the funny movie “The Money Pit,” which shows just how construction and renovations can ruin a relationship.
Two common issues are:
- Home renovation anxiety
- Depression during house renovation and construction
In this article, we discuss
What causes conflict?
And Ways to improve the situation.
What are some causes of conflict?
- Anxiety
- Lack of sufficient Sleep
- Setbacks
- Design Changes
- Difference of Opinion
- Budget issues
- Legal Issues
How to survive a renovation
Sometimes we forget that our partner is on the same team, us against the world.
When we forget, then we attack our spouse without wanting to.
We do it because we trust that person will love us anyway, no matter what happens.
Whatever weaknesses or flaws are present in our relationship, they will be revealed during a construction or renovation.
If your relationship was not doing well before, then renovation and home construction could be a breaking point for you.
Only the most robust well-grounded relationships can survive.
Our terrific friends call it “the year of the house,” no matter how long the building ACTUALLY takes. They, too, built their own house. From experience, they will tell you how life-changing building a home is. Your whole life revolves around your construction project.
That is why our relationships can suffer. We don’t give them the TLC they need or deserve.
Your conflicts can spill over onto family and friends as well and strain other relationships in your life.
What can you do to change the tide?
Take a step back, refocus, and think about “ what is your goal?’
Why are we doing this?
Remember that construction is only temporary; this too shall pass.
What does your partner need from you?
- Encouraging words like: You can do it!
- Good job!
- I’m so proud of you!
- A smile
- A hug
- He or She needs to Feel your support that they are not alone
- A Positive attitude. Attitudes are contagious
- Apologize. Egotism will get you nowhere.
- Don’t be too proud to say I’m very sorry.
- Accept your part. Both bear some of the responsibility.
- So don’t blame each other, only accept what you did to contribute to the problem.
- Were you a little bit too focused on your perspective?
- Were you actively listening when the other was speaking?
- What can you do to make the other person feel heard, wanted, loved, and understood?
Avoid a Meltdown – Mental Health Checklist:
- Ask yourself: Is this problem as big as I imagine it to be?
If so, What can I do to improve it?
If not, Can I let it go?
- Will some rest help me see more clearly?
- Let your emotions calm down.
Anyone who knows me well can attest that I am very emotional and a bit of a drama queen when I am tired. And everything is a tragedy.
- Maybe you have to unplug for a while.
- Take a long weekend to get away if it’s possible.
- Ground yourself, find your center.
- Maybe you do need medication or professional help.
- Depression is a real health problem; if left untreated can become severe or life-threatening.
- Accept your differences in communication styles.
- I need to talk about everything. If I don’t, it mounds up inside. Then I become like a volcano eruption. And that only pushes people farther away from me. I think that’s why I became a writer. I can write about how I feel, analyze it, and rewrite it until I feel better.
- Other people don’t say much at all. And you have to exert a lot of energy to tell you how they feel, which can cause stress when one or both of you are tired.
In Review
Building a house doesn’t have to lead to divorce.
Try to attack the problem and not each other.
You are both on the same team, working towards the same goal.
Did You Survive Building a House or Home Renovations?
Tell us how in your comments below.
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4 Walls Overnight 